yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
