I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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