Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
