drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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