Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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