Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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