The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You did what with his pubic hair?
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