Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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