Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
