am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
