Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
