i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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