Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
