oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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