were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
