Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We're too hungover to prance.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
