Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
