i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
