I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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