Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
