god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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