They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
