When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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