You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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