Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
