would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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