He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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