Is it because I queefed?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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