So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're like the curious george of whores
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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