I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
