So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
