i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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