You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i believe in u and ur pee
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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