Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
