i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
