we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
