Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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