im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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