dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
