he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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