member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
