so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
