i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
