five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
