Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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