Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
