she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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