Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want a musical about memes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
