its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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