Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
