i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
