We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
