Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
