they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
