Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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