he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
