Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize