is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
