why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
