Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
