I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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