Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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