he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
