what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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